Internship Samples
Upstart Crow Literary Agency
Sample Query: "I Am the Secret" by Elisa Nader
Dear Editor,
I am thrilled to share with you I AM THE SECRET by Elisa Nader, a fast-paced YA thriller set in D.C during the Inauguration, centering on a girl’s journey to save her mother after a mysterious murder threatens to send her to jail.
Vivian Belmont—the daughter of Washington D.C’s most prestigious Madame—is mostly unaware of the dark complexities behind her mother’s illegal business; that is, until Honey, one of the Girls shows up at her front door, drenched in the blood of the prospective Vice President.
With Honey innocent, and a mysterious murderer on the loose, Vivian makes a decision. Disguised in a sparkling dress and entirely unwalkable heels, she ventures into the hotel room with the Senator’s dead body to retrieve Honey’s ID and destroy the evidence that would implicate her mother’s business.
But little does she know, a cleanup crew hired by her mother is already on their way to fix the messy situation—led by a very snarky, very handsome boy named LaSalle, who makes Vivian’s blood boil in more ways than one.
Now, Vivian is accused of making the situation even worse, and must endure the caustic company of the cleanup crew, the suffocation of the safe house, and the concern of her best friend MJ, who herself is in danger.
With her mother missing, and the mysterious killer still on the loose, Vivian is thrown into a high-speed adventure without knowing why. She wonders: In a world of so many secrets, what else doesn’t she know?
Full Manuscript Critique: Reasons for Rejection
*I wrote this lengthy review after reading a manuscript that was not in good enough shape for Upstart Crow to represent, but which I nonetheless found an interesting and salvagable story. I felt that the author deserved to know what was working and what wasn't in her story so that she could fix it an perhaps one day get it published. I wrote a critique of the story in several sections.
*Please contact me if you are interested in viewing the document. I felt that it was an invasion of the author's privacy to put a detailed critique of their yet-unpublished book online for my own benefit.
MGG: Draft #2 Review
I wrote this brief, emailed review to give my boss an idea of my thoughts on a manuscript while not present at the internship site. For my purposes, and for the privacy of the unpublished author, I will call the manuscript MGG. Brief reviews such as this were common at my internship, and often occured in large, informal email chains while the interns were reading off-site. This allowed my boss Danielle to gather our collective thoughts and email the author herself, so that the next time we came in to work, she would ideally have a new version for us to read and critique again.
Hello Danielle,
Here are my comments on the new draft of MGG:
-I feel much more connected to the setting in the first few chapters-I think this is because Saoirse's powers are so physical and earthy. For lack of a better phrase, I feel much less floaty in her chapters than I did in her first submission version. I think that (the author) uses a lot more concrete details this time around, and grounds me in multiple visual moments so that I have a tangible place to stand within the story.
- I also really liked that we got a few chapters (rather than just one) from Saoirse's POV before switching over to Njeri's. I also think that the transition from Saoirse's to Njeri's chapters was done very smoothly, and I feel that I know both of their characters/actions better in this version.
-I found it incredibly satisfying that (the author) made some large-scale changes: I loved that 1. the settings are now more distinct from one another, and that 2. the characters don't know of each other yet. Although I do love these changes, I feel like the tension/stakes could be raised even higher. I do feel that the characters could be pulled even further apart, and made (as we discussed before) to live in drastically different environments, rather than simply different parts of the same area.
-There seem to be clearer stakes/more defined problems overall, which is nice in terms of pushing the action forward and making me/the reader more invested in the story itself.
-Especially since (the author) is writing main characters who are disabled, I feel less pressured to understad all apects and emotional implications of each character's diability and am simply introduced to them. I think this originates with the idea of fewer narrating MCs than the last version, and the fact that (the author) is grouping several chapters of one character together rather than flashing back and forth with single chapters narrated by fiver different people.
Overall, I feel like this draft is much much more workable than the last version. Feel free to keep me updated via email or text: I'm interested to see where this one goes!
See you Wednesday!
Sincerely,
Arielle